creating my own sunshine

Not everyday the sun shines. Sometimes, we need to create our own sunshine.

However, this morning when I woke up, the sun was shining, and it made my morning a little easier. I felt like I had enough sleep, and I was able to get out of bed, smoothly, and start my day. I sat in my pyjamas on my patio steps leading into my backyard. Even though it was 11:30 am, it was silent. My neighbours were all at work and I enjoyed the breeze. 

I don’t practice silence enough. Sitting there for about 15 minutes, unbothered and uninterrupted was a feeling I haven’t experienced in a while. It’s a different feeling lying in bed at night, and well into the early hours. Usually, that awakens my anxiety of not getting enough sleep and provokes unwanted stress. 

Over time, I am learning that some of the best feelings in the world are simple to achieve. I want to practice more of these positive feelings, even when I feel an enormous weight is on my shoulders. Or, my mind is telling me to stay in bed for another hour when the sun is shining outside. Simple as taking a deep breath and closing your eyes. Or, simple as turning off your phone when you have had enough. 

  • Taking a hot shower after being on public transit all day 
  • Coming home after a long day, and remembering your bed is made with clean sheets 
  • Waking up without an alarm (and in good time!)
  • Being on time for work, school, or an engagement 
  • Letting your hair air dry, and it actually turning out nicely 

Last week, I misplaced my earphones. The feeling of panic sets in when you get on the subway and your hand is feeling around your bag and you can’t find your headphones. I am a little far from downtown, so commuting takes at least thirty minutes. “What am I going to do with all this time?!” My eyes dart, my mind races, and my palms get a little sweaty. Not only will I only be bored, but am I going to be forced to sit and stare at my shoes? Music is my greatest distraction. It takes my mind off everything, and I owe a lot to the artists that got me through some lonely times, at any time in my life. For the three days I couldn’t find my headphones, I learned to appreciate what was around me. It was difficult, I won’t lie.

This seems extremely exaggerated, but I had to learn how to utilize my time for an hour each day without any distractions. But, for three days in a row, commuting to school and to work, I people watched, I read, and I practiced silenced. Even with this simple thirty minutes everyday, I took back time that I had been wasting on listening to the same playlist over and over. I took ownership of my day, something that I had been usually letting music take over.

I know, this sounds like a too well thought out plan for just a thirty minute commute. But, when you think of it, how much time do we spend distracting us from accomplishing our goals or the task at hand? I took a different perspective to my commute last week. 

I learned how much I hate Bloor and Yonge station,  I was reminded how terrible conversations can be between teenage girls, and how many delays there really are on the Bloor-Danforth line. In return, I began to read a book that has been sitting on my bookshelf since August 2017, I finally started writing down my engagements in my agenda and organized myself, and I was able to focus. 

Thirty minutes is a lotof time. Use it wisely.

Appreciate the simple things. My story of my earphones seems way to simple, but it made a significant impact on my week. 

3 things I am thankful for today: 

  1. The sunshine. Canada, we earned this. 
  2. Brand new notebooks 
  3. Sitting on my patio with my pup and writing this 

And that’s how I’m feeling today

Larissa 

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