Day 5 (on day 6): don’t apologize for your mental health days
This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, and probably not the last:
mental health days are important
The reason I didn’t write yesterday was because I was really struggling with my mental health. It was obvious to everyone around me because apparently my poker face was also having a day off as well. I didn’t fall asleep until 5:30 am, after lying awake since midnight. I had to cancel on a group meeting, stay home from class, and had to leave work early.
Wtf? This isn’t me. I stay true to my commitments, I don’t skip class, and I’m not (usually) an emotional mess. But yesterday was one of the worst days I’ve had in a year. I was so shocked at myself and my inability to keep up with the day. I feel like I’ve had a mental health week from hell, and I couldn’t even relax in my own bed.
I really felt like I’ve been reverting back into my old ways, when my depression was at an all time low last year, around this exact time. Not sleeping, not eating well, and not being a fun friend to be around.
Again, I hate to disappoint people, but I know when I need to slow down, and put my mental health first. Like I’ve previously stated, if someone had stomach flu or a broken arm, would you tell them to jump outta bed and continue on with their day, as if nothing was wrong? I understand those symptoms are more obvious, but heeelllllo that’s why we need to Communicate!! And!! Make!! Talking!! About!! Mental!! Health!! Okay!!!!!!
However, yesterday was yesterday. And today is today! The steps I’m making to make sure it doesn’t reoccur are:
- Holy shit, talking about it. Talking about it (through my blog, in person, on the phone) and communicate with my friends and family so they are on the same page, and so they understand why I wasn’t my regular self.
- Going back to see my therapist! I took too long of a Christmas holiday it seems, and tried to cure myself. But, I went back for the first time today in over a month, and it felt so good. I’m committed to going every week, to make sure I stay on track of my mental health and am in a good mental state to continue doing all the things I love with a good mind and full heart.
- Staying busy, but not tooooo busy. Today, I went to therapy, had a meeting with my professor, and am working away on campus. Ok, and I did go to the mall, but it was justified. I needed a break, ok! Understand what your mind is telling you, and slow down when you need to. Don’t over work yourself to make up for the days that you were taking care of yourself. You can only do your best, and time will make up for that. Don’t rush it.
The biggest take away I got from Wednesday was to not feel guilty. Do you. Everything WILL fall into place. You may have commitments that you need to flop on, but you really need to put yourself first. I’ve had to learn to not feel guilty for not bailing on my commitments because of my mental health. I hate to sound selfish- really I do, but you can’t pour from an empty cup, you have to fill yours first.
If you need an ear, a shoulder, or a coffee to chat over, I’m your girl. I may not have all the advice or the answers, but I’m one hell of a listener.
And that’s how I’m feeling today (well, yesterday.)